"Apparently orgasm is the only point where your mind becomes completely empty—you think of nothing for that second. That’s why it’s so compelling—it’s a tiny taste of death. Your mind is void—you have nothing in your head save white light."
"
let me tell you something:
no one is going to look at you, broken and shattered
and think -
damn, you are beautiful.
no one is going to come pick up your broken pieces off the floor and
assemble them into a beautiful whole.
hell,
you won’t even look at yourself and think -
I made broken look beautiful.
you know why?
because all those writers lied to you.
yes,
all those with their poems of scraped knuckles and
blood dripping down chins,
pomegranate songs and loves that ripped through you like
hurricanes.
liars.
so you and i,
we are going to make a plan.
you are not going to romanticize days when your brain tells you to smash that mirror,
you are not going to romanticize the lover who doesn’t understand you
but still writes about you.
here is what you are going to romanticize instead:
you are going to romanticize the first day of spring,
its gentle hands all over your body,
lifting you up until you are as light as a feather.
you are going to romanticize the tea and honey kind of love,
no hurricanes,
but sunshine that builds you up from within,
that helps you make it through the worst days.
you are going to romanticize gentle hands of a friend
in yours,
telling you that it is going to be okay.
because it is.
and don’t trust poets,
we’re no good,
we love pretending that our jagged edges tantamount to a beautiful disaster, but in reality -
there ain’t nothing beautiful about shaky hands holding a cigarette and
empty eyes staring at the cracks in the walls.
you know what is beautiful, instead?
the days when you can look at yourself in the mirror and smile,
scars and all.
music that makes your soul flow like a river,
books that offer comfort,
families flocking together like overgrown birds to keep you safe and warm,
friends that give you strength when you can find none,
lovers who make you laugh through tears.
baby,
from now on
you are going to romanticize healing;
honey dripping down your fingertips,
August nights that stick to your skin,
the day you find your purpose,
long car rides and singing so loud that no one can shut you up now.
bad news:
no one is coming to save you.
good news:
you can save yourself.
found this gem in the 1996 Cornell Women’s Handbook. it’s what to say when a guy tries to get out of using a condom
ways to start feeling again
- sit in the sun without anything to do, feel the heat of the rays hit your skin, realize that this sunlight has travelled a very long way to reach you
- walk around barefoot and try to feel as much of the ground under your feet as you can, notice every rock and blade of grass
- sit quietly for a while and notice the touch of breath in your nostrils, feel how the air gets cooler as you inhale and warmer as you exhale
- drive around aimlessly and blast some of your favorite songs, scream/sing along to them and feel the vibrations of your favorite lyrics as they change the air in your throat and around you, feel that the music is healing you from the inside out
- stay away from alcohol or drugs for a few days, try to be as aware and present as you can in every moment, stop trying to numb or dull your senses
- eat a few meals without any distractions, notice every bite and taste every flavor that covers your tongue, be grateful for it all
- look up at the stars and the moon, understand how small we all are and how immense the universe is, realize what a miracle everything is, let your heart swell with amazement and admiration for life itself
ok this is actually cool bc doing all of this is a technique called “mindful thinking” that is extremely useful for people with anxiety disorders and dissociation disorders and stuff!
"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f*ck on."
